


Restless Nights

by iBelBel



Series: The Doctor and Yaz [1]
Category: Doctor Who, Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: F/F, all aboard the thasmin train
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-25
Updated: 2018-11-25
Packaged: 2019-08-29 03:26:44
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,019
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16736208
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/iBelBel/pseuds/iBelBel
Summary: Yaz doesn't realize she's in love with the Doctor, and all of these confusing feelings are keeping her up at night.





	1. The TARDIS

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first fanfic, I hope you guys like it. :)
> 
> It turned out waaay longer than I had planned, so I broke it up into chapters for my own sanity.

“Oi, stop right there!” The Doctor shouted, jumping out of the alcove where she and Yaz had been lying in wait, pointing her sonic at something that looked humanoid, but made a very mechanical sound when it moved. The sonic whirred, and the android paused in its tracks, still facing away from the Doctor and Yaz. Suddenly, it turned to face the two women, and began to approach them. “Right, er, run!” The Doctor spun around, grabbing Yaz’s hand as they ran down the corridor back the way the android had come, though taking a few different turns along the way. Yaz’s pulse raced with adrenaline, and maybe something else.  
  
By the time they stopped, they had reached the trap that had been set for the android, Ryan and Graham waiting on either side to spring it when it chased the women through. The Doctor dropped Yaz’s hand as they ducked into a new hiding place, and Yaz was momentarily disappointed at the loss, before she was distracted by the android rounding the corner and the team’s plan falling into place.  
  
~~~  
  
The team had returned to the TARDIS, now drained from the day’s adventure. They all stood around the console as the Doctor pulled levers and pushed buttons, eventually settling the ship to drift somewhere safe in deep space, where it could remain undisturbed for the next 12 hours or so, so that the team could rest. “Well, I’m off to bed. ‘Night.” Graham announced, exiting the console room. He was followed soon after by Ryan, leaving the Doctor and Yaz alone.  
  
The pair said nothing for several long moments, the silence broken only by the hum of the TARDIS. Yaz felt like she wanted to say something, but she wasn’t quite sure what. Physically she was exhausted, but her mind buzzed.  
  
“Well, I think I’m going to head to bed too. Goodnight, Doctor.” Yaz said, breaking the stillness.  
  
“Goodnight, Yasmin Khan.” The Doctor replied, giving her a warm smile. Yaz felt herself smile in return. She felt heat rising in her cheeks and she averted her eyes, turning away and feeling the Doctor’s soft gaze following her as she left to find her bedroom.  
  
~~~  
  
Yaz shifted under the blankets. She had been trying to fall asleep for the better part of the last two hours, but despite her best efforts, had still ended up lying awake in the dark. Though her body craved rest, her mind was still active. She kept replaying the events of the day, and of the last several weeks of traveling with the Doctor. And that is who her thought kept circling back to. The way the Doctor looks at her, the way their hands had felt clasped together while running from danger. Yaz rolled over for the dozenth time that night, pushing those thought away.  
  
After another restless half hour, Yaz sat up with a sigh. She decided laying here and getting further lost in her thoughts wasn’t helping any, so she might as well get up. She climbed out of bed and opened the door, moving out into the hall with quiet, sock clad steps so as not to disturb Ryan and Graham, whose rooms were just next to hers.  
  
She made her way to the kitchen, hoping that a nice cup of tea would help to calm her mind so she could get some rest. Once the tea was made, Yaz took her mug and set out back down the TARDIS hallway, her path illuminated by the soft yellow light that emanated from the crystalline structures embedded in the walls. Her legs took her unconsciously to the console room, where she found the Doctor. The other woman had her coat off, hands on the edge of the console, leaning forward to inspect a monitor with a scrunched expression on her face. Yaz felt her heartrate quicken, and something stirred in her stomach, and she took a sip of tea to settle it. She wondered why she felt like this when she was alone with the Doctor, wondered what it even was that she was feeling.  
  
It was then that the Doctor looked up from the monitor and spotted Yaz. “Oh, Yaz, come in. I thought you had gone to bed.” The older woman invited the younger out of the doorway where she had been standing.  
  
“Couldn’t sleep.” Yaz replied simply, coming to stand beside the Doctor and resting her tea on the edge of the console. “What are you doing?” she asked, turning her attention to the screen, which displayed circular symbols that Yaz couldn’t decipher and what appeared to be images of planets.  
  
“Ah, that, I was planning where to take you lot tomorrow. I figured after all that excitement with the killer android and whatnot, we could use a more relaxing trip. This” she pointed to the planet displayed on the monitor, “is Phiea II. I wanted to show you the waterfalls, they’ve got amazing waterfalls, well, I say falls, anyways, they fall backwards, and the rivers flow uphill…” Yaz listened as the Doctor went on to explain something about a gravitational anomaly that only effected the water on the planet, not quite understanding but happy to listen. There was something about the way the Doctor would go off and ramble about something that she found fascinating that made Yaz smile. She was awed by the knowledge the Doctor possessed, especially with how easy it was to forget that the woman next to her had lived a dozen lifetimes before they had ever met.  
  
“What do you think?” The Doctor prompted, snapping Yaz out of her thoughts and back into the moment.  
  
“That sounds amazing.” She looked fondly at the Time Lord, sipping at her tea.


	2. Sheffield

“I’m home,” Yaz called softly, closing the door of the flat behind her. “Mum? Dad?” It was late, but a few lights were still on in the flat, so she knew someone was still up.

“In here,” Najia’s voice sounded from the living room. Yaz found her sat on the sofa, and came to sit beside her mother, leaning into an embrace. “How was your weekend? Spend it with the Doctor, did you?”

Yaz felt her face go red. Right, she had told her family that she was going away for the weekend with friends, though she didn’t recall mentioning the Doctor by name, and from her perspective she had been away for more than a week. Maybe two, she couldn’t be sure. “Y-yeah, it was good,” she managed in response. Thankfully, she was cut off as a yawn forced its way out of her.

“Go to bed. Tell me all about it in the morning.” Najia gave her daughter a gentle nudge, and Yaz stood up from the sofa gratefully, heading towards her room. “I expect to hear every detail. I want to know what it is you do with this Doctor.” She called after her.

~~~

Yaz was dreaming. She was with the Doctor on the TARDIS, she missed it already, even if it had only been a day. In her dream, things were a bit distorted, as they often are. Everything was darker than usual, and a haze set over her vision if she tried to look anywhere other than the Doctor. Suddenly, the two women were very close together, the Doctor’s hand on the back of Yaz’s neck, pulling them together, the Doctor was kissing her. Yaz was kissing back. She felt her hands in the Time Lord’s hair, and the Time Lord’s on her back. Warmth flooded her, along with that emotion, that feeling she hadn’t been able to identify before now…

Yaz woke abruptly, her eyes snapping open in the darkness. The warmth of her dream had been replaced by a cold emptiness. She rolled onto her back, staring at the ceiling. She went over the details of her dream in her head, trying to remember whatever she could, the feel of the Doctor’s hands, her lips…It was all fading, the dream dissolving back into Yaz’s subconscious. 

The realization dawned on her. All of the pieces fell together, why she got butterflies in her stomach when she was alone with the Doctor, why she had felt so awkward talking about the other woman with Najia. Her mum had seen it before she had. Yaz had never been in love before, not really, and it all felt very new to her. 

Yaz spent most of the rest of that night looking up at the ceiling, focusing on the minute shadows cast by some unseen light source outside the window, her mind racing. What was she supposed to do with this newfound realization? How was she supposed to face the Doctor when the TARDIS returned for her, now that she had acknowledged her feelings for the other woman? She decided she would just have to bury it, for now anyways. She couldn’t bear the thought of losing the Doctor, of not being able to spend every day with her.


	3. Cardiff

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is by far the longest chapter. Sorry, not sorry.

It had been a week TARDIS time since the Doctor had picked the team back up in Sheffield. She had programed in the coordinates to a planet called Kolmao, and the ship had just landed. “Here we are then,” The Doctor said, flinging open the TARDIS doors. “…not Kolmao.” Outside was noticeably not the tropical planet she was expecting.

“Where are we then, Doctor?” Ryan asked, peering around the Time Lord, the rest of the team doing the same. 

“Cardiff. Late 1800’s, I’d say.” She replied, tasting the air. “Not a problem,” The Doctor ran back to the console, hitting a few buttons and pulling the leaver to take flight again. The TARDIS made a clunking sound, but otherwise nothing happened. The Doctor scrunched her face, trying again. This time the lights around the console room faded, leaving only a dim glow. The TARDIS gave a final hum, before falling silent.

“Is it a problem now, Doc?” Graham asked.

“She’s on a recharging cycle. Won’t take us anywhere until she’s all powered back up. She’s parked us right on top of a rift in space-time, and the TARDIS can use the energy leaking from it for fuel. Should be ready to go again by tomorrow.” The Doctor explained. “Well, no use sitting around in here while we wait. Let’s go explore a bit.” She skipped back to the doors and led the team out into the cool, damp afternoon. Yaz was the last one out, closing the door behind her and hearing the lock click. 

~~~

“Lucky we got the last two rooms, innit?” Graham stated as the Doctor handed him and Ryan their room key. The four of them were having to stay the night in an inn, as the TARDIS had decided not to let them back inside until morning. The boys disappeared up the stairs to the second level to find their room. 

The door swung open, long shadows cast from the hallway into the dark room. The sun had set already, the sole source of light the gas lamp in the hall. The Doctor walked over to a night stand next to the bed, holding her sonic to it and igniting the wick. 

“One bed.” Yaz commented as a soft, warm light flooded the room. She sat herself on the corner of the bed, looking over to where the Doctor was still standing.

“You take it. I don’t need as much sleep as you humans, I’ll be fine.” 

“Come on now Doctor, what are you going to do all night? There’s room for both of us, we can share.” Yaz offered.

Their eyes met, hazel and brown. The Doctor gave an affectionate smile before conceding. Yaz’s pulse quickened. Sleeping with the Doctor. She pushed the thoughts down, grateful that the dimness of the room hid her reddening face. It wasn’t like that, she told herself. 

Yaz made to take her shoes off, and the Doctor followed suit, throwing her coat and braces over a chair in the corner and kicking off her boots. Yaz climbed into bed, scooting to one side to make room for the other woman. The Doctor crawled under the blankets next to her, propping her head up on one hand to look at Yaz. 

“Goodnight, Doctor.”

“Sweet dreams, Yasmin Khan.” The older woman rolled over to extinguish the candle, and laid her head down, tucking the edge of the blanket under her chin. 

Yaz turned so her back was to the Doctor, listening as the Time Lord’s breathing slowed and evened out, knowing that she had fallen asleep. Her body was tense, being this close in this situation to the woman, the person, the alien she had begun to fall for.

 _The Doctor probably doesn’t date,_ she told herself, _certainly not humans, and certainly not me._ But then Yaz’s mind flicked back to several months before, when they were with Najia in the hotel with the spiders, when her mum had asked if they were seeing each other. Yaz had been taken aback by the question at the time, but now, something about the Doctor’s response stuck out to her. _Are we?_ The question echoed through her brain, and she shifted slightly. _Are we?_

Yaz was startled by a warm, gentle hand on the back of her shoulder. “Hey,” The Doctor’s voice came at nearly a whisper. Yaz had been so caught up in her own mind that she hadn’t noticed the Doctor wake up. “What’s bothering you?” Yaz wondered how the other woman could tell, but it seemed like she always knew when something was wrong. The Doctor’s thumb absentmindedly stroked the back of her neck, easing some of the tension. 

Yaz turned to face the Doctor, the spot her hand had been now cold at the loss. Yaz blushed when she realized how close together their faces were, and was grateful for the dark. She could just make out a concerned look in the Doctor’s eyes. “Nothing, just- got a lot on my mind.” She knew she couldn’t tell the Doctor what she was feeling. She couldn’t risk their friendship, couldn’t risk the team. 

The Doctor seemed unconvinced. “Do you want to talk about it? Is there anything I can do?”

 _She’s too good to me._ Yaz felt a wave of affection for the alien, but she turned her face away, unable to look the Doctor in the eyes. 

The Doctor sat up, crossing her legs and leaning over her in the dark. “Come on, talk to me Yaz. Maybe I can at least help get your mind off of whatever’s bothering you.” A hand brushed Yaz’s arm, the touch warm and lingering. Yaz sighed and sat up too, her back against the headboard of the bed. 

“I’m not sure you can.” She admitted. But how could the Doctor know that she was what was keeping Yaz up at night? The pair locked eyes, half of each of their faces illuminated by moonlight filtering through the window. The look in the Doctor’s eyes was so soft, so full of warmth, that Yaz wanted to kiss her right then. But she resisted, just barely. 

“Why’s that then? What’s on your mind?” The Doctor asked again gently.

“You.” The word slipped out of Yaz’s mouth before she could stop herself, and although they had already been whispering, it was somewhere quieter than that, just audible. Her eyes widened at the realization of what she had just said, and she watched as the other woman’s expression changed first to confusion, then quickly to realization, then to, what was that? Why was she grinning like that?

Yaz’s cheeks burned, she was hardly able to sit still, and it felt like she had a rock in her stomach. She broke eye contact, dropping her gaze down, only to see the Doctor’s hand being raised to her face, caressing her jaw and guiding her eyes back to meet the other woman’s. She could have sworn the Doctor’s eyes darted momentarily to her lips. 

Suddenly, as if driven by some unseen force, Yaz closed the gap between them. Her hands came to either side of the Doctor’s face, and their lips came together. She felt the Doctor’s hands on her ribs. Yaz’s eyes had just drifted shut when the Doctor pulled away. Now she was the one averting her eyes. 

Yaz felt her stomach drop. Had she horribly misread the signals? She scrambled backwards, drawing back into herself. “Oh my God, I’m so sorry-” The Doctor took her by the wrist, silencing her.

“No, it’s not that. You did nothing wrong, Yaz.” The older woman quickly tried to reassure her. A sad look had fallen over her face. “It’s just- when you started traveling with me, remember, I told you it would be dangerous. I can’t always protect you, and this kind of thing always seems to make it more dangerous.”

Yaz reached out again, fingers wrapping around fingers. She held their hands together in their laps. “I knew the risks when I signed on. Spending time with you, it’s worth it. I want this, if you do.” The corners of the Doctor’s mouth turned upward in a small smile.

The two came back together again, more slowly this time. Yaz reveled at the feel of soft lips against her own, wrapping her arms around the Doctor’s neck. The Time Lord’s hands had found their way to her hips, pulling her closer.

~~~

Yaz woke to find the Doctor curled up in her arms, their bodies pressed close together. She had a hand draped over the blond woman’s stomach, the other in that blond hair. She felt a smile creep over her face, and she pressed her forehead into the back of the Doctor’s neck. She felt the Doctor waking up, taking her hand and pressing a kiss onto the back of it. It was late morning. This was the best Yaz had slept in weeks.

Suddenly, the noise that had woken them sounded again: a light knocking on the door. Both women sat upright, and Ryan’s voice sounded from the hall. “What could they be doin’ in there?”

**Author's Note:**

> Like I said, this is my first time writing a fic, so any feedback is appreciated. :)


End file.
